Wednesday, October 20, 2010
I've been posting so many images/quotes/videos recently. I think it's high time I wrote something out to express myself instead.
It's funny how I pinpointed 25 September as the beginning of ends. I had my last piano lesson on that day and since then, many things have certainly been coming to an end. Then again, it might be because it's getting close to the end of the year.
...
http://ezinearticles.com/?Top-Five-Regrets-of-the-Dying&id=3268063
My mum showed me this article about a week ago and I hate how I find that all 5 are somewhat applicable, albeit in slightly different interpretations for some. The first one...was something I'd realised since a long long long time ago and never really did anything to change it, and I really really hate myself for it.
I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.I think I really failed myself this year. I've let myself be controlled by the thoughts of others so much that I don't know how it's like to think without them. Unwarranted fears of rejection and hatred and negative emotions. Sometimes I wonder why I put myself through all this, why I bother trying so hard. I'm so afraid of losing the friends closest to me so much, I let myself get trampled over way too much. And then I would wonder, why would I even bother wanting to keep such friends? Sigh.
I actually think that I've been unconsciously learning habits from other people just so that it's easier to meet other people's expectations. It's so strange when I think about it this way about some of my closer friends.
Oh well. Happiness can't really exist without all these negative feelings like the quote from Huxley. So I should be glad shouldn't I?
Wesley at
9:52 PM