Wednesday, April 23, 2008

This is just the way I am.

And either you accept you, or you don't. Simple as that.

And once again, I find myself in trouble. Big or small, it's something that I take to be very serious, for it changes people's perception, and I can't be bothered to think of what would happen if the perception changes. Yes I know it's my fault for not listening in class. But well, I only heard one half and not the other, therefore it's still my fault. No, I'm not appealing it to not be my fault, I'm just trying to show that I am trying to half accept that I made a mistake.

It's kinda hard, since everyone expects others to not accept their mistake, and takes everything else as sarcasm.

I really don't want to go to school anymore. I'd rather just stay at home and rot. Going to school. Is yucky. There's no motivation for school. There's nothing in school that makes it worth going. There's nothing exciting that's going to happen in school. In fact, school is becoming something I dread. It's just trying to sit in class, hour after hour, trying your best not to sleep.

Sighh...And geog lessons are showing how life is so fragile. One minute you're here, the minute you're gone. It's very heartbreaking, to see people lose their loved ones. If you were in their plight, how would you react? I'll probably just turn suicidal. And yes, I should treasure my parents now. Ever since young, I've always wondered, what would happen if I lost my parents? What should I do? How will my life change? And that's as far as my questions ev ventured. I couldn't bear to imagine what would happen. And I tell myself, treasure your parents. For it is through a certain fate and affinity that brought us together. And the next day, it'll be wiped clean out of my mind. What a lousy son I am.

And now I'm free from the evil clutches of French until next week. Time to murder myself with Chinese project and the English project. We should just advocate for something like 4 day week, or getting more flexibility in school lessons. Obviously that would fail. For what reason should it succeed anyway. As if the school lessons aren't flexible enough. As if 5 days is still too many working days. I dunno. There's too much pent up energy within me. And I think I'm going to burst soon. It's like hyper and not so hyper in that hyper sense.

Never mind me. Just ignore that. And I really want a chemistry book. But when I pick it up, I can barely go beyond the first paragraph. That's what happened in the library today. Sighh. I've got killed once too many times and am blamed the same number of times for causing the murderer to do so. Is it my fault? Do I find it hard to not talk?

Actually, I find it harder to talk. I hate the tense moments of trying to find something to say to fill the silence.

Cause it never works out after everything goes wrong.

Wesley at 11:35 PM